The Krakens Hold

If you’ve been following my YouTube channel recently you’re probably aware of my current Kratom addiction. For those in the dark, I began using Kratom mid November 2020 and have consumed the green sludge daily ever since. We are now 2 days into 2021 and I find myself still gripped by the Kraken. My efforts to quit before the New Year were quickly snuffed by the Kraken, and I made it just 3 days before caving. The Kraken is a cruel master and laughed at my New Years goals.

This new found addiction struck me dumbfounded. I’ve used Kratom in the recent years and found no such compulsion to consume daily. Now I find myself like clockwork bending over my desk and weighing out 4 Grams twice daily. 2 times a day I admit defeat and allow the Kraken to take total control. My willpower is no match for the Kraken. Like the sirens song, I find my ship pulled to the island, unable to resist the temptation and warm embrace of the green motor oil. I feel the Kraken move through my body as each limb pulses with a subtle numbness and euphoria. Stress and anxiety melt away like butter. I can no longer deny the power of Kratom and its addictive potential.

Certainly in years gone by I had alcohol to numb out reality. Before 2020, Booze proved to be an effective numbing agent and allowed me to plow and stumble through life’s most stressful moments. In December 2019 I began my journey of sobriety and hopped on the wagon.

Fun fact: “On the wagon” is a phrase used to refer to somebody who is sober. Its origins date back to prisoners of the wild west. While being transported to prison, criminals were allowed “off the wagon” to indulge in one final drink before serving out their sentence.

So in the past I used Kratom but mostly relied on alcohol as my go to medicine of choice. I never mixed the 2. In fact, I never mixed alcohol with anything. Occasionally I’d combine with some Phenibut but even that was rare – the booze served as a reliable all in one anxiety killer and mood booster. If I had booze I desired for nothing else. I was loyal to the booze, and she was loyal to me.

My Kratom usage started innocently enough and in the beginning I had no reason to use Kratom. In fact, I was very happy with my current life situation. I wasn’t looking to numb out my existence like I used to. The Kratom was a nice way to relax my muscles after long bike rides or hard days at work. A night cap more or less.

The problem was, I immediately found it difficult to put days in between each dose. It seemed to have an immediate hook. For a while I was able to put maybe 2 days in between doses but I found each day I was thinking about it. I had to execute every ounce of willpower to leave the stash where it was, and not consume. Eventually I got plowed over like an avalanche and began justifying using it everyday. I told myself “Okay, just a few days in a row and then a long break.” This addict logic only served to entrench the Kraken deeper into my psyche. I felt her tentacles wrap around my brain.

It was quite clear, I was a slave to the Kraken and she was in total control. I say was, but should say is. Currently my battle plan is to consume my stash until it’s gone. I have maybe 15 grams left – roughly 2 more days of product.

Soon I will be forced to kill the Kraken.